wrong way on a one way track;

Oh, 2009, how quickly you came upon us all! I had my very first real plans for New Year's Eve (party at a pal of Michael's), and had my last cigarette of 08 (and hopefully ever). At the last minute of 08 crept up on us, someone had the bright idea to put Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's on and the 7 or so of us present counted down to 2009 and watched that giant orb of lights drop in Times Square. Honestly, as much fun and epic making a trip to New York would be to see the ball drop, those people had to be freezing. And as much as I'd like to actually do that myself one year, I'm sure that one year would be it. Hords and scores of people, all the screaming and freezing sleet and ice, just does not appeal to me. Maybe I am that California girl through and through after all.

But I digress.

As I sat there in that sparse living room of a complete stranger and waited to feel the magic of the possibilities and hopes for 2009, I didn't feel any of it. It was the first time I wasn't looking forward to "starting over," and that has everything to do with knowing what I know now. You can't start over. You just have to live with your past and let what you've learned guide you into the future. Super cheesy, I know. So, here is to 2009 being the year of learning to live with my inadequacies and flaws and accepting that this is who I am, no more apologies or unnecessary "I'm sorry"s.

That was my revelation at 12 A.M. January 1, 2009. It has taken me a few days to ponder what I really want to come of this year and whether I should make resolutions. To the latter, I bah-hum-bugged and decided to follow last year's tradition: No, I wouldn't make resolutions; rather, I will make goals for myself throughout the year (which, for the record, I did not do last year. I seem to have forgotten that part of the bargain). Once that was decided, I pretty much raked myself across the coals trying to figure out I want from 2009. I'm still trying to figure that out.

So here they are, my goals (so far) for 2009, in no particular order:

-read at least 30 books this year, no more laziness
-eat healthier, cut back on the Dr. Pepper, and excercise (being lazy is not incurable!)
-figure out what I want to do with myself so I can finally leave city college
-write more (blogging not included), get what I'm feeling out
-spend every possible moment I still have left with those whom I love and care about most
-dear lord, get off the lazy bandwagon and put actual effort into school. Raise that GPA!