I haven't been to the gym since two Saturdays ago. I feel like a lump on a log, and in the week and a half I haven't been I've gained two pounds. I'm supposed to be going tonight with P after she gets back from dinner with her family. Lately it feels like we've had this complete disconnect between us, like we just can't stand the other. Our silences aren't as comfortable and easy-going as they once were. After all, she was the one to tell me last Thursday that I've been really negative the last week or so. Today was a definite improvement over that, and Saturday night is her birthday (I've heard the horror stories about having a birthday on V-Day from her many a time, and I do not envy her). It's her 21st birthday, and it will definitely be a ton of fun. The perfect way to end my odd, stressful week.
In my last post I mentioned the bizarre dream I'd had after falling asleep reading Slaughter House Five, and the last two days have definitely been bizarre realities.
I logged onto to my Myspace last night (procrastinating of course) to find that I had a new message. Thinking it was from my friend K from work, I clicked to read it only to find that it wasn't from K at all. It was from someone I wasn't expecting at all. My ex has decided our mutual silence should end, and had messaged me saying that he's "been thinking about [me] a lot lately" and wondering how "life is treating" me. I mean, this was a fairly extensive message compared to something like, "hey, what's up?". He mentioned that he doesn't internet at his place anymore and then said he lost my number or some such hoorah and proceeded to give me his cell number. He left it completely up to me to reply and actually talk. I am torn between quinching my curiousity and seeing what he wants and just continuing on with my life D-free. I mean, I want to talk to him again, I really feel like we possibly ended things on a negative vibe (the last time I spoke with him was through AIM and my dad had just died. I asked if he still lived at the same address as he had 5 months prior because I was sending him his book back I had borrowed. Before that I hadn't spoken to him in months.) and I don't want to leave that negativity hanging there. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope that he really is looking to make amends and just catch up. I want so badly to hope that is just all he wants. But then the negative part of my mind argues that if I get involved with him again I'll just end up being an idiot and letting him hurt me again. I'm unsure how to proceed from here. Thinking about it obviously isn't helping. And who's to say that if I do text or message him back he'll actually reply back to me? Then the jokes on me and I'm bummed because I was stupid enough to hope to reconcile things. My two opposing hemispheres need to agree on something for once. But one thing is for sure: No matter who of my friends I've asked, they've all agreed that I should not respond to him. I don't know if I'm that strong.
Second really bizarre thing to happen: I'm sitting in humanities and my mom texts me (yes, I taught her how to text, and yes she abuses it) saying that she had a surprise visit from my uncle at work. There's a background as to why his visit was such a surprise. November 2007 my "dad" (really my mom's dad, but he's the only father figure I've ever had and I called him dad until I was about 5) passed away, and when that happened it literally tore my family apart, both physically and emotionally. Out of his 5 kids, none of them really kept on good terms with the other. The one thing I saw about my family after his death was that they are greedy, selfish beings who only give a shit about themselves. Period. My mom's only sister has been estranged from the family for years prior to my dad's death, but suddenly she's able to come down from Montana for a visit when she hears he's in the hospital dying. My uncle M had power of attorney over him and since he for the most part was on morphine and being kept alive by life support, it was my uncle's decision on what to do. My uncle D and my mother had always been close, and they're relationship has basically only strengthened from all that drama. My uncle B. . . well, let's just say he went with whatever my uncle M and aunt D had to say. Only recently did my mom and uncle M reconcile enough to be civil to one another. So last Wednesday when I came home from class to find the notice of auction sale Scotch taped to our front door, it was also posted about in the local news paper. With my mom's name listed by it. Not even kidding. We had no notice or warning that they were not only going to put that in the paper, but also slap our last name next to it. Needless to say, neither one of us was happy. Naturally everyone in my family saw it (my mom called them before and personally apologized and explained to each of them what was up and that we were trying to keep the house, not just laying here letting them take it again). So my uncle M went into my mom's work today to tell her personally that he refuses to let her ( us) lose our home, and that he is going to help her (us) no matter what. All of this through text. I got a little sarcastic about it and said that it was very generous and Christian of him (my family is originally Jehovah's Witnesses, though neither my mother nor I are practicing or very devote to it). I don't think she appreciated it.
I am keeping my fingers crossed that all works out positively and we keep our home. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, because I bet it's going to be extremely hard to go to work and/or school when I'm living out of the backseat of my Taurus. So I'm really trying to think positively and hopefully all will turn out to our advantage.
Now I am off to study for my first French exam tomorrow morning and not going to the gym because P has decided she just doesn't feel up to it. I really am tired of depending on other people to come through only to have them let me down. Maybe I won't text D after all. . . .
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